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Just me..a little worn light.
19 January 2012 @ 08:20 pm
Seriously, whats a girl gotta do to catch a break?
im even annoyed at myself that im here. i am back again to the journal, complaining..... again!!
too many nights annoyed with friends, annoyed with life and drinking (more than one ) bottle of wine.....alone
Too many yrs after graduation. Now, without a home, living with grandparents, without that " dream job" and single. does it ever end? does trying ever end? Does trying end by finally just giving up?
Am i to blame. not trying? trying to hard? To much blaming on others?
Drunk........... alone.
blah!
 
 
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
 
 
Just me..a little worn light.
04 July 2011 @ 11:42 pm
Wow, having the best time recently. So busy, in a good way. From the first weekend back in May i have been able to do something every weekend. That makes nearly 9 in a row. Usually use this journal when need a rant or a bitch, but feel it is important to enter this memory of great times.
The best way to keep such memory is some great photos of weekends past and mention of weekends to arrive.

Memories :-)Collapse )
 
 
Current Location: Bedroom
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Whats that noise?: Ratties playing in their cage
 
 
Just me..a little worn light.
17 February 2011 @ 03:47 pm
Now for years, since i can remember i have been taught to watch the energy i use. Whether thats putting a jumper on before turning the heating on or turning off the lights after done to avoid getting yelled at by mum.
But these lessons have appeared to completely skip the inconsiderate minds of others.
Makes ur wonder if all your hard work to save energy is worth it when there are others that are just waste all the extra energy you saved.

Being in a shared house is hard, different people, different cultures and different habits. Your lucky if u find someone who doesnt trash the place, if you that lucky you feel as though you should put up with all other habits. And most of the time we all can... but 5 months later and im about ready to scream at their inconciderate and skanky faces.
You may think may of these im just being a moody bitch.... but imagaine all of this happening everyday all day!

Evidence:

1- Never fill up the kettle more than needed.
Me: Now i do this mostly because i dont want to stand there forever waiting for the damn thing to boil when just making one cup of tea.
Housemate Couple: fill up the kettle so it overflows when boiling, get bored of waiting so walk away, come back 15mins later and turn it on again because its gone cold, get bored and walk away again---- repeat 4 times minimum!

2- The dreaded Toilet Seat
Me: im a girl so its always down
Housemate Couple- (Female) Cover the seat in your crazy long black hair... (how does that even happen?!). (Male)- Dont even lift the toilet seat a piss all over it, leaving it soaking wet and stained yellow!!

3- Cleaning
Me: Spend 3 hours one day cleaning the entire place including the bathroom and kitchen. Its a good work out... and truthfully i havent done it in a few weeks so im not one for complaining it hasnt been done. I dont mind doing it really, but hate the lack of consideration.
Housemate 1- Take the bucket i need to mop and clean and start cleaning your car, bring in mud and spilling water all over the kitchen. Then go to the shop and buy lots of crap to start baking cookies in the clean kitchen.
Housemate couple- Spend hours cooking, peeling, chopping and making a damn mess in newly clean kitchen. I return home from work to find bin overflowing and carrot/ potato/ onion peelings all over floor.

4- The bins
Me: Every tuesday night, sort out the bins and put them outside for collection. (Brown- average waste and Green- recycling). The bin men wont collect the bins if they look inside and its all mixed up, not in the correct bags or the lids wont close.
Foreign Housemate- Bag everthing up in little plastic bags and dump it in any bin closest to the door, so that on a tues i have to rummage through the bins and open the bags and put the contents into the right bin.
Housemate Couple- Also dump anything into any bin like complete and utter idiots, even shove so much in them that the bins are overflowing and wont close.

5- The heating
Me: Only put heating on if freezing. Put on jumpers and stuff first.
Housemates (havent figured out who it is yet): Put the heating on every day, even if its not cold outside. Put it on full blast (so far seen it up to 36°C, double the temp in the summer in this damn country).
Me: wake up at 6am every morning sweating to death because someone has turned it on during the night. Having to put bread in the fridge (during winter!) to stop it going moldy in one day cause its so hot in the house.
Housemates: Dont turn down/ off the heating just open all the doors and windows.

6- Noise
Me: like a good social, a good drink, a good movie on loud, like a good sing song, music playing and stuff.. im not boring and will be fine with anything.
Housemate Couple: One sits in one room the other down the end of the house in the kitchen and shout thier convo. Both in the kitchen one with the football on the big screen full blast the other sat next to them with a movie on the laptop full blast.. weird.
Walking around the house holding phone in hand with the speaker phone option turned on and yelling at the phone.
Housemate 1- Running up and down the stairs with big work boots on at 5am cause he is running late for work. Going in and out the back door for a smoke every ten mins and slamming the door against the wall which is against my head in bed.... the reason why he is prob so late.

7- The lights
Me: Mum would shout if lights were left on. Always turn them off. In fact tend to walk around at night in the dark. Bedroom window faces kitchen and bathroom windows so it shines in if left on.
Housemate 1: Come down from upstairs during night, turn on his bedroom light, landing light, light on stairs, light outside my bedroom door, kitchen light (walks through to get to bathroom) and the bathroom light. Stumbles back to bed leaving them all on, walking past every switch on his way.
Turn on all lights during the day, even in broad daylight, and leave them all on when leaving.
Go away for days leaving bedroom light on. Leave upstairs light on for 3 months straight (i got sick of keep walking up the stairs and turning it off) then go bonkers when it burns out.
Me: Get out of bed and turn it all off/ come home to find all the lights on and the tv blasting in the kichen with no one even home.
Housemate (unknown): Use the bathroom during night, shut the door after done but leave on light.
Me: I exit bedroom to see the light on and do a dance around the house and wait as i think someone is in there. Eventually press my face against the door and try handle to see if anyone is in there, now almost wetting my pants. Nope, of course its empty.

8- Dishes
Me- Do them after done, sometimes if runing late with leave a plate or cup in my room to do later.
Housemate Couple: Use every pan, plate, knife, chopping board and surface in the kitchen. Stack it all on your bedroom floor... so no one can use it for at least a day. Bring it all out and start washing. Dont dry anything and continue to stack it all soaking wet on the counter tops rather than in the cupboards where they got it. When anyone goes to use something it is full of stale water and has left the kitchen soaking.
If they do stack it in the kitchen use no real sense, stack plates on top of bowls and bowls on top of saucepans causeing everything to fall and smash when someone comes along and opens door.


Think thats about it, being a moody bitch or justified in getting a little annoyed now?
Just so im not too bitchy there is a couple housemates which are great, no issues at all. Im not saying im perfect, i bet im pissing off a couple ppl by turning the heating off and the lights off all the time, lol. But i definately feel that i consider my other housemates well during day to day life. It just hurts that others dont do the same, or rather it doesnt even cross the minds once.
Sounds like people are gonna be moving around a bit soon, moving rooms and moving out. im gonna move up stairs and away from the main areas of the house. im sure i get most of this because i am right next door to the kitchen and bathroom, fingers crossed i will be happier upstairs.
anyways, i feel a little better just having a moan..lol.
 
 
Current Location: Shared house - room 2
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
 
 
Just me..a little worn light.
17 October 2010 @ 05:34 pm
Hello,
I am back.
Not been one of the best weeks.
Drama with my sister's ex bf who is being a complete dick about the final paymenst on the house that was the biggest mistake in all three of our lives. Most of all mine who has ben dragged through hell and have worked my ass off to sort out the left over dramas from a relationship that wasnt even mine!
I had the card for the bank account which we were using to pay all the bills off, the dick reported it stolen because he didnt like that i still had it... which of course looked really bad on me when i tried to use the damn thing to pay some final bills from the house. argh!
There is als alot of money left over in that account, which in a normal world would be shared out between the three of us. But in his tiny little brain his response is "My name on account, my card, my money"
Idiot!- If everyone could get one person they could murder and get off guilt free... he would be mine... and has been for over 2 years now, lol!

Anyway- rant done so here is the tarot pull for today!

The Moon- The moon is high in the middle of the card inbetween two towers. Below is a dog and wolf in front of which is a pond/river with a crab crawling out.

~ Represents how we feel & how we respond- emotion.
~ You should pay more attention to your lunar/ inner self.
~ Recommends tying up loose ends connected to past.
~ This card often stands for fears and anxieties- this card often stands for fears and anxieties.
~ Should be warned that they may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial

Definately feel like being emotionally tested in the past week. Old (and not so good) friends making contact, this crap with past mistakes and decisions about future. But it all builds character... and definately teaches me to pay more attention to those little moments of doubt in other people... could of saved me alot of stress and money!

Also, here are more photos, excited as Samhain is drawing near!
There is a world festival in town this weekend, selling lots of awsome stuff. Got some great incense and a beautiful scarf, then i returned again today and managed to pick up a beautiful leather handmade/ recyled paper book. Its beautiful, and once feeling a little more sure of things i may actually one day write in it and use it as a Book of shadows. For now it sits pretty on my fireplace with my small collection of witchy thingys and decoration for the season.

Witchy stuffCollapse )
 
 
Current Location: Bedroom
Current Mood: crankycranky
Whats that noise?: Housemates screaming at Jurrasic Park 2
 
 
Just me..a little worn light.
11 October 2010 @ 12:07 pm
Hiya,
Been mega busy! Neglecting a few things, but back with some photos of new things.

First moved house, in a shared house with 6 other ppl, who are all really friendly and nice. Bit of a shock to the system to be back sharing with people after having own place for a while, but nice to have someone to talk to if bored. Location is also good. a 20min walk to town and all the night life and a 30min walk to work if im feeling up for it, which im trying tot do everyday. Gotta trim up and loose some weight before June 4th 2011....

A good friend is getting married, and i was asked to be bridesmaid, not my idea of fun...lol! but defo happy and so flattered that i was asked. Should be a great weekend.

I attended my first ever pagan event. Pagan Pride South West, the first one ever in the South West of england, was really happy to be apart of it. Was very small and i had to got to work at 1pm so missed all the drum cricles, open rituals and dancing but i managed to meet some people and have a go at making my own necklace.

Anyhoo... and mega post of photos HERECollapse )
 
 
Current Location: New house kiten
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Whats that noise?: The commonwealth games- diving
 
 
 
Just me..a little worn light.
19 September 2010 @ 10:09 pm
Hi,
Well money finally arrived, and im writting this on a new (fully paid) laptop, whoop! Taking me a while, the keyboard is majorly different than my old one, keep pressing the cps lock and tab button by mistake, very annoying, lol!
Managed to pay off car loan and insane overdraft from student days which has been a burden since they day i enroled. So definately feeling good about all that stuff.

Moving house in a couple days, so thats exciting. Although the house seems endlessly full even after all the packing me and my sis as done. Moving is the worst! But looking forward to a new place and hoping with all my heart that i finally meet some new friends in the 4 people i will be living with.

Things with friend got no better and im actually more confused than i was before. She has been still egnoring me, but i thought i would be a adult and wish her happy birthday, which is today. Apparently she didnt get the memo about us no longer being children in school and then commented on everyone who said happy bday while deleting mine. What a freaking child.
This is also very confusing seeing as i still dont know why she is egnoring me! Which is the most annoying thing in the world...some explaination would be nice. I got so furious i could have cried, but she is totally not worth it. Such a coward.

In other news a new shift pattern came up in work. 11pm till 4am, which is good. Mon-Fri so get all weekend off. The only downside is that i will be working nights, but plus side is that its more money per hour. Down side is that i always do stuff with friends on week days and i have important 2 bdays in Dec, both of which fall on a week day, so could go, but couldnt drink.... but is it worth missing out of extra pay just cause of that?

So... i asked the tarot for todays reading

Should i take the new possition?...Page of Wands.
Young teenager stood sideways holding one large wand/staff and looking up at it interestingly, he looks happy. In a desert landscape.
Wands- Creativity, action.
- Be creative, come up with a solution/ go in a new direction.
- Jump in wholeheartedly, get excited and show optimism.
- Tackle a challenge, say "yes, I can" and believe in yourself.
- Take a risk, be daring, have an adventure.
- A message, possibly from far away, about a trip, career move, leadership position or something spiritual/philosophical.

What are the chances... a big yes for take the job in theory. This tarot is definately interesting. So will i listen and apply? watch this space!

x Blessed Be x
 
 
Current Location: living room
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Whats that noise?: Rats playing in their cage
 
 
Just me..a little worn light.
13 September 2010 @ 02:27 pm
Hi, im back again.
Neglect, i know. Been mega busy and had a good few days. Moving house next week so busy packing, or rather avoiding packing, lol! More than ready to get out of this house.
Was declined for the loan at my bank, argh! but went else were and managed to get, which helped increase my pagan beliefs after asking for some deity help. So soon will have a new laptop so will have no excuse to not update regular.

Some bad news about a friend... well i guess. The one who offered me to move into her house and sleep on her courch for a few weeks before im able to pay isnt speaking to me. I assume its about me no longer moving in. But due to her being a complete child on not answering my calls or texts i have no idea. So im done. Its be two weeks and nothing. Another friend bites the dust.

Had some good evenings at the theatre and movies. Saw the SOund of Music which was amazing! also been to see The Last Exorcism... dont bother!

Tarot- I have also been neglecting tarot. But here is one for today.

Queen of Pentacles- Lady Queen sat in chair, holding/ supporting 1 pentacle. Warm colours and fruit growing well on braches surrounding queen.

Pentacles- the suit of practicality, security and material concerns.
- gives love and support, creates a warm, secure environment which makes people feel better.
- will do any service for others, is a soft touch and always has an open door and welcoming smile.
- If something needs doing, she just takes care of it without a lot of fuss and bother. If necessary, she makes do with little and always comes through in a pinch.

Always felt like i was like this, but have kinda lost my way. Was warming, giving and would help anyone out.. but after many unsucessful friendsships and bad times im no longer like this.
I seem to have a grudge with the world why should i give and give...argh!
Guess this card may mean i need to re-think this change, get back on track. Maybe if im not trying to be a little more nice and giving then i wont get it back. I always thought i was the one hurt and why should i bother. But maybe it as gone past the point of equality and now im having bad luck with people because im not giving anything extra to start off with....wow! Deep stuff! This tarot stuff makes you think!

Blessed Be!
xx
 
 
Current Location: Living room
Current Mood: creativecreative
Whats that noise?: Jurassic Park 2
 
 
Just me..a little worn light.
02 September 2010 @ 02:22 pm
May have thought that i was returning back to my old self and neglecting my journal.. But nope! Here i am. Has been a mega busy couple days.
I arrived at my new house to meet the landlady and sign the contracts to make everything final. As im signing the ladylady says, "oh, this is one of your housemates", i turn around to see a friend that i worked with at my old job, a pub, for 4 years. Hadnt seen him in over a year. Such a small world, freaky! Out of all the houses to choose from two people who know each other happen to pick the same one, freaky! But cool that i know one of my housemates already.

Next it was of to the bank in the hope to get my graduate loan. I have been refused before... but now im doing tons better, have a job, a steady income, a home and no longer going out of my overdraft and mounting up debts. Im sat here right now waiting for them to call me to let me know i have got it or not. Fingers crossed.

Would be the best thing to happen this year- could pay off debts with mum and grandparents, move into new house without the worry of finding money for first big move and shopping, could get a new laptop (still using grandads, oops!) and possibly a ipod so could really get into the swing of this podcast stuff. Also car is needing MOT which grandparents offered to pay for, but really dont want to take anymore money off them. And the big one would be to finally pay off my overdraft... no more stupid student overdraft swallowing up my entrie pay check, whoo!
But of course i dont have it yet, so waiting and not getting hopes up to much. Completed my first real attempt at a prosperity spell over the past couple days, so hopefully that will help move things along, and also show that im on the right way to learning this pagan path, hehe!

Anyways- Todays Tarot- 7 of Swords.
Young man, very happy. Carrying 5 swords while walking away from two stood upbright in the ground. There is a fair/circus in the back ground. It has many warm colours, like the sky at sunset.

Swords- Intellect, thought and reason.
- Sometimes represents the "lone-wolf" style - the desire to run lone and free. You feel that you will be more effective and comfortable on your own.
- Sometimes means that you are running from something - commitment, responsibility, hard work, love. You may be procrastinating, letting problems slip because you don't want to deal with them.
- It implies that someone is stealing something from you, your honor, your ideas, your time. They may be spreading gossip about you.
- The man cannot carry all of the swords and must leave two of them behind. By implication, this is an incomplete victory, though success appears to have been achieved.

I have alwasy seen myself as the lone wolf, always single always happier to be in and empty house on my own rather than with others. Im not sure where i get this from because my sister and mother and definately the opposite. I do tend to procrastinate alot but the little things like washing the dishes or packing uo my stuff to move house!

SO that it for today, not really remembering my dreams at the mo, so tired lately just feel like completely dying so dont really remember anything when wake up, hehe!

Well, Blessed Be )O(
 
 
Current Location: Living room
Whats that noise?: My sister playing some kinda RnB stuff
 
 
Just me..a little worn light.
30 August 2010 @ 10:24 pm
Well, the bank holiday is over.. and for once it was a good one. Went out for a amazing meal with the family for grandad's Bday. It was a nightmare wait, over a hour!- which left me late for the party. But these meals were insane! Massive!
So then met a friend at a party she was already there, but got there at 11pm so it was well voer by then. But still had a giggle, and she was quite drunk so was fun once we got home and she was chatting away about some random stuff. Woke up and had a yummy fry up at the pub where we worked up until last year, saw some good old friends. Then off to grandparents for yummy roast followed by a tea party for 4yr old goddaughter. Busy busy... but all fun things.

Anyways today i found somewhere to live at the end of the month. Found a nice house this morning and out down a deposit. Its in a shared house with 4 other rooms, so hopefully will meet some good new people and hopefully new friends to hang out with. Its quite close to city centre as well, so not far to drinking or shopping, yay!

So, due to busy weekend i missed a couple days of tarot. But here is todays.

Page of Cups- Young man, right hand up on his hip where is left hand is holding a cup with a fish in side.

Cups- Emotions
Page- Symbol of adventure and possibility. Playful and spontaneous.
- bringing you opportunities for love, start or renew a love affair/ meet someone you're attracted to.
- let your feelings show, be sentimental or romantic and let your heart lead the way.
- receive guidance from within or act on a hunch.
- make a thoughtful gesture.
- express sympathy and understanding.
- often shows a side of yourself that you need to manifest.

Definately need to show more patience and understanding for the people around me. I know that for already. Just get so annoyed and fustrated with people, lol! But i have acknowledged this recently, so gonna try... try! hehe!
As for love... nah! But friendship could do with a bit of a push. Reunited with a friend i havent seen in ages this weekend, so that was good. But looking forward to hopefully meeting some new people when i move.

Hope you had a good weekend. Blessed Be )O(
 
 
Current Location: Living room
Whats that noise?: Tv Mistakes show
 
 
Just me..a little worn light.
27 August 2010 @ 04:16 pm
Yay! not normally excited about the weekend as its normally full of overtime. but this weekend there is none. Its my grandad's birthday and my goddaughter's Bday on the same day. Also catching up with a friend i havent seen in nearly a year and going to a house party for her friends bday, so gonna be good!

Anyway- Tarot Read day 4

4 of Pentacles- Man, looking unhappy sitting on a chair. He is hugging on pentacle tight to his chest, one rests on his head and the other two are underneath his feet.

Pentacles- Practicality, security and material concerns.
- Wanting to possess.
- penny-pinching, saving.
- wanting to be in charge, denying weakness.
- wanting everything to stay the same, refusing to look at new approaches.
- This card asks you to weigh carefully the level of control in your situation.
- Be less worried about loss of what you have - it's not going anywhere. Focus, instead, on how to make the best of what you've got while you're around to enjoy it.


Interesting, i do believe i spend alot of my time worrying about money and my possesions. I often get annoyed that i appear to be the only one who is worried. Maybe that is because i dont really need to worry, i need to relax.
I wasnt always like this, its just in the past 3 years. I get so angry and fustrated. Had the worst year ever last year with money and problems along those lines, always worried.. never want to go back to that stage again. But now thinking about it too much i guess.
All i can think about also is this next month ahead, need to get 600 pounds for new place to live, get my car MOT which is about 150, also find the money for new laptop and my friends bday.. alot to worry about!

Dream DiaryCollapse )
 
 
Current Location: Living room
Current Mood: blahblah
Whats that noise?: Cars driving past open window